Wednesday One-Liners Remember elimiDATE Fondly

Man on cell: Yeah man, she is so not anyone that I would be willing to invest years in… I mean I don't want to have to spend my time actually working on it. I figured, hell, I kind of want to wake up next to someone a couple of days a week, so I might as well hang on through the summer. No, she has no idea…

–Columbus & 62nd St

Grad student: They have this symbiotic relationship in which he does all the eating and she does all the drinking.

–Columbia University

Woman to herself: God, I asked you for a good man; not a fucking joke!

–Spring & Hudson

Overheard by: Oscar Gamble

Firefighter to others: It's not that I have anything against commitment; I just like diversity.

–125th St Fairway

Overheard by: Just Shoppint

Man in shorts to another: I wouldn't date a girl with double vision, period.

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Dr No-Eyes

Businesswoman to hobo: If you get back in the dating scene, I'll kill you.

–Houston & Lafayette

Overheard by: Homeless guy must be hung

Posted on October 15, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Dating, Drinking & Drunk People, Firemen, Food, Gripes, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hobos, Insults, Men, Murder, On Cell, One-liners, Promiscuity, Relationships, Soho, Street, Students, Suits, The Village, Threats, Time, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg, Wishes & desires, Women

What Is Art? Are We Art? Are Wednesday One-Liners Art?

Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.

–7th Ave & 14th St

Overheard by: Miss C

Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!

–Guggenheim Museum

Overheard by: Antartic

Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.

–MoMA

Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.

–Downtown Brooklyn

Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin

12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.

–MoMA

Posted on October 13, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Arts & Letters, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Free stuff!, Girls, Guys, History & Geography, Insults, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Magic, MoMA, Moms, More museums, Old People, On Cell, Parents, Porn, Queer guys, Threats, Tweens, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Wishes & desires

Who Let the Wednesday One-Liners Out?

Queer, to his German Shepherd: Steven, don’t play these mind games with me!

–23rd & 8th

Man, restraining his dog from following another dog across the street: C’mon, buddy. It wasn’t meant to be.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Woman dragging her dog away from another dog who is barking frantically: You know what? You’re just cuter than her. That’s why she’s so upset.

–Ditmars Blvd, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Cop to his whining German Shepherd: Awww, what’s wrong baby? Did you see an asshole?

–West 4th Station

Posted on October 12, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Beauty, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Cops, Gay Man's Best Friend, Insults, Man's Best Friend, Men, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Park Slope, Queer guys, Questions, The Village, Women, Words

Wednesday One-Litters

Little girl to mother: I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore, when I grow up I wanna be a cat!

–Chelsea

Woman to friend: I mean, he's just so anti-social! He has like 19 cats!

–Lafayette & Prince

Girl to friend: My cat is a flaming homosexual.

–34th & 5th

Girl: And so she says, "let's follow the cat!" So we do, and the cat leads us to a pile of heroin!

–Cafeteria, Barnard College

Posted on October 5, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Columbia (& Barnard), Friends, Gay Man's Best Friend, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Heroin, Jobs & Careers, Kids, Moms, One-liners, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Soho, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

Frases De Miercoles

Young guy on cell: You're lucky I'm Colombian. If I was Ecuadorian, I'd be slapping you!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Jobee

Angry man walking alone, to himself: I could have married a Dominican, but no, I decided not to!

–Mercer & Broome

Teen girl to friend: Your new Mexican is super creepy.

–On Line for the Colbert Report, Hell's Kitchen

Guy on cell: No, no, man, she's Puerto Rican. I'm just sayin' she's Dominican 'cause it sounds hotter.

–105 St & Lexington

Thug holding box of maxi pads: Yo, that motherfucker is like the gay Mexican Marlon Brando. Classic…

–CVS

Overheard by: Karen

Posted on October 3, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Manhattan, Marriage, Queens, Race, Soho, Store, Thugs

Wednesday One-Liners from the Hobogenous Zone

Homeless lady to another: So you’re a certified drug addict, right?

–23rd & Broadway

Homeless man with bag: Ladies and Gentlemen, I have this Liz Claiborne pocketbook for sale. A 60-dollar value for 35 dollars. [Pause] I have this pocketbook for sale. A 50-dollar value and I’m selling it for only 40 dollars. [Pause] Anybody got change for a five? Ladies and Gentlemen, I got a Claiborne bag valued at 80 dollars but I’m sellin’ it for 25. Man, this is a nice bag. If you people don’t buy, I’ll just keep it for myself.

–Brooklyn-bound N train

Overheard by: Jennifer

Hobo: But I made a huge mistake, see? I spent eight dollars and 92 cents on Arm and Hammer!

–84th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

Homeless guy: Valet service, right here! Valet service!

–Pelham Bay Station

Overheard by: SilentButDeadly

Hobo to hot chick: Wow! You’re the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen in my life!

–Broadway & 116th

Rapping panhandler: I accept cash, checks, food stamps, benefit cards, money orders…

–Downtown 1 train

Street bum: [To no one] I’ll be back right after these messages.

–Bleecker & Elizabeth

Overheard by: al b

Posted on October 2, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Hobos, Money & Class, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-liners: Questions

Fat old lady: Do you happen to know who wrong the song “Who Let the Dogs Out”?

–Barnes & Noble, 22nd Street

Old woman: What do you want me to talk about? You don’t want to hear about my dog. You don’t want to hear about my cat. What else is there to talk about?

–N train

Overheard by: Nim G

Blueblood woman: Yesterday I was in here and got 2 tomatoes and left them here. Have they been found?

–Bleecker Street grocery