Wednesday Doesn't Know a Single One-Liner Here Tonight

Girl to friend: This party is going to be awesome! Wait. We have to stop somewhere on the way…I gotta pee before I put out tonight.

–Montrose & Graham

Dude: Do you even know what an Animal Collective Listening Party means in the rest of the country?

–Animal Collective Album Listening Party, River Room, Harlem

Overheard by: care bear stare

Girl: I think it's okay if she parties, as long as it's with a bunch of Christians.

–West 4th b/w 6th & MacDougal

Girl to friend: There's this party in the East Village. It's called "Spit." I'll tell you next time I go. It's on Fridays. But my gawd, these guys are cokeheads. I ended up with ten of them in my apartment last week.

–8th & 18th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Chick on cell: Do parties *count* if there's nothing but necking and spanking and nipple-tweaking?

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy: I know I'm gay, but the best part of my Bar Mitzvah was meeting the party planner.

–Barns & Noble, 8th St & 6th Ave

Overheard by: Rijita

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bimbettes, Brooklyn, Celebrations/Parties, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Christianity, Columbia University, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Jews, Judaism, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, Names, Nipples, On Cell, One-liners, Orgy, Parades & Festitivites, Pee, Promiscuity, Queer guys, Questions, S&M, Sex, Store, Street, The Village, Wednesday One-Liners

Take a Wednesday One-Liner. It'll Last Longer.

Woman to friend: Wait till I show you the pictures. He looked so good in the coffin…

–Gym, Westchester Ave

Thug to homies: Yo, we need to take a pic in case the world ends tomorrow.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Robert

Too-cool-for-school coworker: You don't know how to use your scanner?! Shhiiiit, fool! I can teach you that! I taught myself how to use Google Calendar today. I have a Master's in photography.

–NYU

Overheard by: mm

Man on cell: Hi! Oh my gosh, I just got some great pictures of a plane that crashed into the river!

–Hudson River Park

20-something girl on phone with friend: Will you grab my camera from the apartment for me before you come out tonight? (pause) Thanks, I need it to take pictures of my conquests.(pause) All men should fear us.

–Brooklyn

Posted on March 25, 2009
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Brooklyn, Coworkers, Death, Fears, Friends, Girls, Google, Gyms, Insults, Men, NYU, Offers and requests, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, Physical appearance, Pictures, Questions, Stupidity, Threats, Thugs, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Are Up Shit's Creek

Three-year-old boy, refusing to get in stroller: Shit! Shit! Shit, mommy! Shit!

–Chelsea Market

Overheard by: Sarah

Young boy, yelling after hearing Jesus freaks preach: What a bunch of shit that is!

–7th Ave & 33rd St

Overheard by: Colleen

Hobo drinking Red Bull: This is Red Bull shit!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: RevolutionSuzi

30-something lady on cell: I'm gonna be shitting my brains out later.

–Astoria

Seasoned-looking guy, watching hobo pee in the middle of a subway car: I ain't never seen that shit before. That shit is brand new!

–4 Train

Overheard by: i will be traumatized forever

Menacing black woman on phone: I'mma go home and shit on my girlfriend's China.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: Penelope

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Black People, Body Parts, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Drinks, Gays and Lesbians, Guys, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Parents, Pee, Penn Station, Poop, Religion, Should've Used a Condom, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

If You've Got Wednesday One-Liners, Flaunt 'Em!

Hispanic girl on phone: I'm in the Heights, looking at clothes…of course they're slutty, that's all we wear.

–St Nicholas Ave b/w 181 & 182 St

Overheard by: Linda Rhodes

Friend to scantily clad girl adjusting extremely low-cut shirt: Why are you even wearing a shirt?

–NYU

Flamboyant black man: Girl, I can see yo' pussy, yo' pants are too tight!

–14th St

Blonde: I'm just going to put a thong and a mini skirt on him, and he'll entertain us.

–Broadway & 34th St, Astoria

Overheard by: Natalie

Freshman NYU student during welcome week: I can't wait to get some slutty clothes…so I can fit in.

–Outside NYU's Kimmel Center

Posted on March 25, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Astoria, Biotechs, Black People, Clothing, Friends, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Height, Latinos, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Sorority Girls, Street, Students, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners

Wednesday One-Liners Wish They Could Marry Themselves

20-something, beating his chest and coughing: John, don't die…you're too young, you're too beautiful, the world needs you to stay alive!

–55th & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Jesus Jon

Girl on phone: I just don't see why he doesn't want to do me.

–NYU

Lab assistant on phone: I mean, I love the way I look. And they way I talk…well, that's fine. But that laugh? Dear god.

–NYU Computer Lab

Overheard by: meli$$a

Man on cell: So that's it? You're genetically superior to her, case closed?

–5th Ave & 16th St

Overheard by: Prof. Creepyhugz

Tall black guy to shorter, buff black guy: It's not about your looks or the way you're built: you've got charisma, you've got something that draws people to you. I know because I've got it too.

–Planet Sushi, Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: Suze V

Female student, walking in: Okay! The princess is back and she feels ten pounds lighter!

–Borough Manhattan Community College Computer Lab

Overheard by: Steve

Posted on March 25, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, College, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Death, Diet/Weight, Girls, Guys, Laughter, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Science, Sex, Street, Students, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners Are Pelving Thrusting in Your Direction

Woman to friend: I woke up, and he was fucking my ear! Fucking my ear! Fuck. Ing. My. Ear!

–Walker & Canal

Overheard by: office peon

Girl on cell: So yeah, he just kinda turned to her, handed her some napkins and told her to prepare herself for a good fingering.

–New Jersey Transit

Girl in school hallway: Nasty little tenth graders having sex in the stairwells…

–Bard High School Early College

Guy to another: There's only three things people need in this world. Sex. Food. (pause) Yeah, okay, that's it.

–125th & Lexington

Student #1: (makes elaborate point with with ample hand gesticulation)
Student #2: Oh wow. You just made love to me with words.

–113th & Broadway

Crazy lady: Santa ain't comin' to Brooklyn! And I'll be drunk tomorrow, don't you ring my bell! (gets off train and leaves bag. 20-something guy gives it to her) Have we had sex before!? We should have sex! I like you! (doors start closing) We should really have sex!

–C Train

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Body Parts, Chinatown, College, Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Crazies, Drinking & Drunk People, Ew, Jersey, Food, Foreplay, Friends, Girls, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pick-up Lines, Public Transportation, School and studying, Sex, Street, Students, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women, Words

Wednesday Pleads Down to One-Liners

Thuggish Asian watching Cops in store window: Yo, the one without the shirt is always guilty.

–College Point

Teen girl on cell: I tried biting some people, I got arrested.

–R Train

Overheard by: Jon

Very loud and drunk crackhead to friend: I don't care who you are. Everybody goes to jail some time.

–Hoyt & Warren, Brooklyn

Pharmacist on phone: Oh my, is she okay? (pause) That's when you got arrested on the plane?
(pause) At Fort Dix!?

–Drugstore, 6th Ave

Overheard by: Transit161

Friend to another, yelling across street: Good luck with your rape case…I know it wasn't you!

–Centre & Grand

Overheard by: jzjmrdangerdowntown

Small boy, singing to himself: Goodbye, everybody say goodbye… To Chris Brown…'cuz he smacked a woman and he's going to jail.

–Barnard College

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Assholes, Brooklyn, Chinatown, Clerks, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Crime and Punishment, Drinking & Drunk People, Drunks, Friends, Girls, Kids, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Prison, Queens, Questions, Rape, Singing, Store, Teens, Thugs, TV, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

Wednesday One-Eyed-Trouser-Snake-Liners

Middle aged woman on cell: You will never see your penis again! No more penis! Is that punishment enough for you?

–82nd & Columbus Ave

Black man to friend: None of them jeans fit, cuz my cock is just too huge, nigga!

–Steve & Barrys, Mariners Harbor Staten Island

Overheard by: Samantha

Sister to brother leaning on her crossed leg: Excuse me, I feel like your pee-pee is resting on my foot.

–7 Train

Latina to friend: He did everything short of taking out his penis and smacking him with it!

–Jerome Ave, the Bronx

Chick: Man, I just feel like there are a lot of penises and penis information in my life lately.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Meister E.

Middle aged man on cell: But does she know about King Dong, the penis pump?

–Stuyvesant St, Manhattan

Posted on March 18, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Body Parts, Brothers, Clothing, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Crime and Punishment, Friends, Girls, Height, Latinos, Men, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penis, Questions, Sex, Sisters, Staten Island, Street, Stuyvesant Town, The Bronx, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Does This Wednesday Go to One-Liner Street?

Four-year old to his father, dreamily: Let's go on the u train! The beautiful u train!

–D Line

Overheard by: Caitlin

Ditzy girl to friend: I hope there's an exit at this station.

–96th St Station

Amiable suit, answering cell: Hi, hon. (pause) Well, I can't talk long–I have to drive this train.

–Amtrak, Penn Station

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Little boy: Is this train going to move, or what?

–Transit Museum

Overheard by: Rita

MTA worker in booth, over intercom: Hello everyone. The cost to ride the subway is $2. Only $2. The woman in that blue leather jacket and red hat thinks it's free. If you are standing next to a woman in a blue leather jacket and a red hat, tell her she needs to pay her toll like everyone else.

–6 Train Station

Posted on March 11, 2009
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Beauty, Cars and Driving, Clothing, Dads, Free stuff!, Friends, Girls, Kids, Money & Class, More museums, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Penn Station, Public Transportation, Questions, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Suits, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One-Liners for Ann Coulter

Old guy on phone: All I've done is live in a bitchy bitchy bitchy world.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Danielle

Ghetto guy to another: A bitch in a wheelchair can still suck a dick!

–25th St & 6th Ave

Wife to husband: You do the thinkin', I'll do the bitchin'.

–84th & 2nd

Overheard by: Val

Male scrub nurse: Yeah, he's in that bitch right now. (female scrub nurse looks shocked, male scrub nurse wiggles fingers on both hands) Yeah, he's in there.

–Mount Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: and by

Thug to friend: Yeah my homegirl…she's a slutty bitch, but she's good people.

–Q Train

Posted on March 11, 2009
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Couples, Friends, Guys, Handicaps, Hospitals, Insults, Marriage, Nurses, Old People, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Promiscuity, Relationships, Sex, Street, Thugs, Trains Not Subway, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

On Cell