Wednesday One-Liners Dig Deuteronomy

Old Jewish woman at the start of Yom Kippur: I think god wants me to be in a theater rather than in temple.

–45th & 8th

Little boy to friend: It wasn't until last year that I realized that not everybody is Jews!

–Near Columbia

Overheard by: CSims

Gym receptionist discussing television series Mad Men: It's sexist against women…and Jews, too!

–10th & 7th

Overheard by: Zack

Elderly Jewish woman, in hushed voice, to elderly Jewish man: My rabbi is an atheist who lives in Israel! What can you say?

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Rabbi's Agnostic daughter

Goyish looking guy with toddler in stroller: Well, you know the Hebrews always like to celebrate the New Year–especially in a year that ends in '69, if you know what I mean.

–Mercer & Broome

Overheard by: Garuda

Woman on cell: We're on the bus run by Hassidic Jews, ya know, like Woody Allen… It's like the Jewish express!… Nah, I'm covering up the phone so no one hears me.

–Vamoose Bus, Penn Station

Posted on October 29, 2008
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn College, Bus, Clerks, Columbia University, Dads, Friends, Gender issues, Jews, Judaism, Kids, Men, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, On Cell, On the Bus, One-liners, Public Transportation, Shiksas (& other Gentiles), Soho, Street, Stupidity, Theater & Dance, Train Station, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, West Village, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Taste the Rainbow

Teen hipster on cell: You know, light pink is the navy blue of India. It's true! Don't ask me how I know this but I do.

–6th & 51st

Overheard by: simon

Flamboyant nasal-voiced man on cell: I'm feeling blue…like, royal blue…a little lighter…no, not baby blue…like, American flag blue…like…yeah.

–Jamaica LIRR Station

Aussie on cell: There were all these dudes wearing pink shirts…and they weren't even gay!

–55th & 8th Ave

Overheard by: wearing a pink shirt and gay

Girl to friend: So he made carrot salad and I said "Your poop is gonna be orange!"

–The Frying Pan, Chelsea

Latina: Well, she said "It wasn't white! It was yellow!" So I was like, "Well, was it at least shaped like a penis?"

–4th Ave & 40th, Brooklyn

Posted on October 1, 2008
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Clothing, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Food, Foreigners, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Hipsters, Latinos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Penis, Poop, Queens, Questions, Teens, Train Station, Trains Not Subway

To Be Fair, Skinny Jeans Are Much More Constrictive

Conductor #1: He's like “it doesn't bite!” I'm like “I know it doesn't bike…it constricts! The last thing I need is that thing getting loose and finding some four-year-old kid wrapped in a snake. You can get on, but Daisy stays on the platform.
Conductor #2: Who brings a snake out in public anyway?

–LIRR, Woodside station

Overheard by: I'm with the conductor on this one…

Posted on September 27, 2008
Animals & Nature, Conductors, Coworkers, Death, Default, Kids, Long Island, Offers and requests, Public Transportation, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Weirdness

No Autoerotic Asphyxiation Until You’re a Teenager

[A small girl in scarf hands end of scarf to babysitter, who is on the phone. Babysitter absentmindedly holds scarf. Little girl pulls away.].
Babysitter: No, honey, we’re going to go this way [tugs in other direction].
Little girl: But I want to choke myself!
Babysitter, not really paying attention: No, no…
Little girl: But I want to choke myself! [pulls away harder].
Babysitter, still vague: No, honey, that’s bad…

–Grand Central Station

Posted on May 9, 2008
Default, Directions, Girls, Grand Central, Kids, Suicide, Train Station, Weirdness, Wishes & desires, Women

All We Need Is a Wednesday One-Liner in the White House

Middle-aged black woman: William Shatner should run for president or governor or mayor or something… He’s got the charisma.

–Staten Island Ferry snack bar

Overheard by: Stephanie

Hobo spinning in circles: ‘Bout time we got some poontang in the White House! There’s a first time for everything!

–117th & Broadway

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Thug, watching Elliot Spitzer and Chuck Schumer drive by: Who da fuck these niggas?

–Super Bowl Parade

Overheard by: No idea

Scholar: I’m voting for Osama Barack.

–F train

Overheard by: Terrorized

Conductor: Grand Central Station. Two and Three trains across the platform. Change here for the Seven, A, C, E, and shuttle to Times Square. Vote Obama.

–1 train, Grand Central

Drunk guido during post-Super Bowl rioting: I mean, who cares who the next president is after this?

–52nd & 2nd

Overheard by: NCS

Posted on March 26, 2008
About Celebrities, Advice, Black People, Default, Drunks, Gender issues, Government, Grand Central, Guidos, Hobos, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Names, Offers and requests, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Politics, President, Public Transportation, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Staten Island Ferry, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway conductors, Thugs, Train Station, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wishes & desires, Women, Words

Look, Let’s Just Get a Coathanger. They’re Like 50 Cents, and Then We Can Splurge on a Nice Dinner.

Girlfriend: Oh, by the way, we have to return those things to Macy’s.
Boyfriend: Why?
Girlfriend: Because I need to buy maternity clothes!
Boyfriend: Or we could buy me an airplane ticket, because I’m leaving you.

–F train, Jay St

Overheard by: not certain he was joking

Posted on March 25, 2008
Babies, Boyfriends, Default, Fashion, Girlfriends, Preggers, Questions, Shopping, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Train Station, Travel

Wednesdays and Their Stupid One-Liners

Hot blonde: Do they kick in kick boxing?

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: haha

Tourist pointing to a church: Is that the Chrysler Building?

–E 10th & Broadway

Little boy, when train jerks to a stop: Did we just hit a deer?

–Manhattan-bound N train

Overheard by: paratactical

Teen tourist: Look, I know you guys have, like, musical theatres on Broadway and stuff, but do you guys have movie theaters?

–Canal & Broadway

Tourist pointing at S train car: This is the bus that will take us to Times Square, right?

–Platform for shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square

Overheard by: the answer is yes, but you’re not right

Young girl on phone: Hells yeah, I walked out of that class! I don’t even get why we still learn about immigration. I mean, who the fuck takes boats here anymore?

–23rd & Lex

Posted on March 19, 2008
Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Animals & Nature, Boys, Default, Education, Foreigners, Girls, Grand Central, History & Geography, Idiots, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, Public Transportation, Questions, Sports, Street, Students, Stupidity, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Teens, Tourism, Tourists, Train Station, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Words

That’s the Beginning?

Guy: Excuse me, I wanted to know if any black women would go out with me. If I were the last man on Earth, would you go out with me? [Black lady does not respond.] What if there were 20 minutes until the end of the world? [Still no response, so guy addresses another lady.] What about you? Would you go out with me?
Woman: What’s the point?
Guy: Alright, let’s start from the beginning… [Holding up gallon of apple juice] I have some apple juice — will you split it with me?

–Union Square station

Posted on January 29, 2008
Black People, Dating, Guys, Offers and requests, Questions, Race, Train Station, Women

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys?

–42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave

Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory.

–Bus in Lincoln Tunnel

TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn.

–NYU Silver Center

Overheard by: Limey

Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’

–26th St

Overheard by: agrees with that girl

College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman?

–114th & Broadway

Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate.

–Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn

Posted on January 3, 2007
13 Bar, Advice, Age/Aging, Airports, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Anger Management, Animals & Nature, Astoria, Barbershop, Bars & Clubs, Bodegas, Bowery Ballroom, Buildings, Bus, CBGB, Classroom, Cruise Ship, Dean & Deluca, Delis, Duane Reade, Elevators, Empire State Building, Grand Central, Grocery Stores, Ground Zero, Gyms, Hospitals, Hot dog stands, Hotels, JFK Airport, LaGuardia Airport, Laundromat, Long Island City, Madison Square Garden, Movie Theaters, Museums, Office, On the Bus, On the Subway, Parades & Festitivites, Parks, Penn Station, Queens, Restaurants & Cafes, School, Shea Stadium, Stall Spies, Starbucks, Staten Island, Staten Island Ferry, Store, Street, Stuyvesant Town, Subway Stations, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Tattoo Parlor, Taxis, The Bronx, The Hamptons, Topics, Tourist Attractions, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, Venues, Whole Foods, Yankee Stadium

Wednesday One-Liners Ride the Train (Whoo-Whoo!) and Ride It

Conductor: Last stop, Grand Central Terminal. Remember, don’t drink and drive, but if you are going to take the train, drink ’til you go blind. Have a nice evening.

–Metro North, Grand Central

Conductor: Please stand clear of the closing doors. Next stop, uh… Franklin… naw, that’s not it. Well, let’s go.

–Brooklyn bound R train

Overheard by: Matt Hartwick

Conductor, to woman standing halfway in the motorman’s booth flirting with him: Wanna drive?

–7 train

Overheard by: Margarita

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, this is not roll call. This is not Mickey Mouse roll call. Stand clear of the closing doors.

–4 train, Wall St

Overheard by: Pandora

Conductor: Please step in and watch the closing doors… Sir. Move your stuff out of the doors so I can close them! Motherfucker gonna make me late… gonna make us all late!

–Queens bound R train

Overheard by: Jay Kay

Conductor: We are now approaching 161st Street, Yankee Stadium. If you’re not getting off here, you should. Go see the second half of the Boston Massacre. Have a good day.

–Uptown 4 train

Overheard by: Helena the Great

Conductor: There is no V train service on the weekends. Get on this train. I repeat, there is no V train service on the weekends. What are you waiting for? Just get on my train!

–Downtown E train

Overheard by: tyler ann

Posted on October 4, 2006
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Brooklyn, Directions, Drinking & Drunk People, Grand Central, On the Subway, People, Pick-up Lines, Places, Pop Culture, Queens, Sex & Relationships, Sports, Subway conductors, The Bronx, Time, Topics, Train Station, Trains Not Subway, TV, Venues, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Yankee Stadium, Yankees

Train Station